Even when you are in the grip of depression, there can be moments of light.
These are the moments I cling to, cherish and want to share with the world.
To remind myself and perhaps even one person reading that living is worth the effort.
Recently driving home from work I stopped to investigate a curious object on the road…
A Thorny Devil!
Thankful for the gloves in my work bag, I scooped him (or her) up from the road where sunbaking was going to mean being squished for sure and moved to a safer spot.
Although native to Australia and apparently plentiful, I have only seen a Thorny Devil once before in my life… Behind glass in captivity. This meeting was a pleasure and blessing.
I took photos and videos to share with my children. Miss 4 decided this gentle lizard would be christened “Super Hero Lizard” because in her mind the vibrant camouflage colouring was a costume. In this moment her enthusiasm and joy was infectious and I basked in it.
So to anyone reading I would like to offer you a thought.
When depression has you gripped tight and you can’t seem to think of a reason to want to live perhaps you can borrow my reason…
Because there will always be moments that you will not want to have missed.
It doesn’t matter if the moment is huge and momentous or something smaller like simply rescuing a lizard and feeling happy.
What is important is the knowledge that even if the black dog is telling you it is hopeless and pointless to live that is a lie.
Tomorrow you could feel joy for a moment. That is worth living for.
Which brings us to the question… How do you be present when depression has you numb?
A common idea is a gratefulness diary. To put in words and images what you are thankful for in this moment. To record it and acknowledge that ok right now you might feel nothing but the depression will ease eventually and one day you will read the words and see the pictures and feel again.
On that note it’s time to share what I’m thankful for today…
1. Thank you to the neighbour who planted this red flowering gum on the verge. I drive past it almost every day and the red of the flowers never fails to make me slow down and look.
2. The WA Christmas Trees (Nuytsia floribunda) are in bloom! Nothing says Christmas to me like this native tree. I’m yet to grow one for my block. Tricky to establish as it is a parasitic tree but so worth the effort. One day soon this will remind me to feel hopeful and excited for the experiment to come.
3. THE Jacaranda driveway! On the drive to my block of land I pass this. It is the reason I grow Jacaranda trees and persist with getting them through the first few winters (they don’t like our frost but once established are fine). Absolutely beautiful…
4. Hobbies and work to keep me busy and too tired to worry… An assortment of succulents growing for my Mum in Law. Trenches I’m digging for the downpipes to capture water for the new tank. And of course the progress on our home. Almost there. Keep hopeful!
Best of all…
I am thankful for being able to share these places and photos with you all. Perhaps an image might give you a boost today too.
I’m thankful for my family who keep me company on my neverending “plant hunt”, encourage my enthusiasm when it is present and push me to keep trying when it is not.