Today I will begin with the photos of what keeping unhelpful thoughts at bay looks like. A wall of rocks.

Two small trailer loads. My three year old called the bigger rocks Mummy rocks. She is right. They are my lifeline on days like today. Where despite medication and weekly therapy the thoughts creep in.

I could sit and dwell. Let the thoughts sink in further. Or I could enact my saftey plan starting with finding activities to distract myself. To pass the time and wait the thoughts out.

If you’re curious beyondblue have a free saftey plan called beyondnow.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

I volunteer for BB but I’m not trying to be pushy. If you know someone who struggles with self harm or suicidal thoughts it is a great tool I use too.

And it’s free. Everyone loves free.

Anyhow… Distraction. Rocks.

I’ve mentioned before grabbing a pick and digging holes. That works too. But what I’m slowly learning is my safety plan comes in three parts…

1. Support myself

2. Ask for help from others.

3. Don’t be alone. Call ambulance. Go to the ER.

The garden fits in category 1. Physical activity somehow has always helped me. By having my hands in the dirt. Being out in the sun or rain. The smells and sights and sounds. The taste of sweat. Somehow this works for me better than anything else.

And best of all is the moment when the thoughts pass. When I can breathe again.

I make a cup of tea and sit with Miss 3 on the swingseat my father in law made for me. Cuddle my daughter, brush my toes in the sand as we swing. And for a moment feel ok.

Tomorrow is a new day. I’ll try again.